Most of us feel the need to control events, circumstances in our lives and most of the time we can, sometimes we cannot and other times events overtake us. And yet our patterns of behaviors can suggest that we seek control. Try making a list of things that are not under your control. How long is the list?
It is helpful to acknowledge that there are some things you cannot change. It is not a reflection of your will power, it is not a weakness in your character or it’s not your fault always. But also helpful to remember that there are some things that can be changed. So how do we about changing the things that can be changed.
Here are some strategies that are effective:
Become more mindful: Be more aware of your thoughts and how they influence behavior and emotions. Becoming more mindful will help you in recognizing the habitual patterns of responding and with awareness can come ability to change.
Accept what can’t be changed: This can include other people’s attitudes, behaviors, your own feelings about people, circumstances etc. Acceptance does not mean giving up, it just means recognizing them as they are.
Be more realistic: Maybe one day everything will come together, the job, the home, the organization, the health, finances etc. But for now have your priorities, if it's important to spend time with the kids, so be it, the spring cleaning of the garage may have to wait.
Practice Self Compassion: The research by Dr Kristen Neff suggests that being self compassionate involves, self kindness, accepting our shared humanity and being Mindful. Stop the self criticism and create a better environment ‘within’.
For more information or to make an appointment with Dr. Datta please call 201-952-9905 or 845-369-7627