1.- When is it good to be a perfectionist?
2. When does it become a maladaptive trait?
3. What are some of the ways we can cope with it?
4. If people are born with a perfectionistic trait, can people learn to change?
People often talk about high standards and striving towards those standards. Usually, its a good thing. We often see elite musicians, athletes, working really hard to get to that ‘perfect’ state. It helps people to achieve peak performance . However, when its ‘perfection’ that is the goal, the goal moves every time they achieve it. There is no room for mistakes because even a tiny mistake is catastrophic in their minds.People start believing in their mind that they may not be as capable as they thought they were. They start comparing themselves to others who may or may not be more successful than themselves. They may also start to see themselves as failures if they dont meet the self rated high standards. Some people stop trying because its challenging to face failure. Since perfectionists are self critical, the inner voice never stops. This can often lead to feeling anxious, depressed, hypercritical and frustrated. Changing the thinking and thought process, can often lead to feeling less anxious and stressed.
5 Phrases that Perfectionists can say to themselves
“ I AM IMPROVING, I DONT HAVE TO BE PERFECT. I AM DOING MY BEST. Nobody is perfect”
“ MAKING A MISTAKE DOES NOT MEAN I AM STUPID OR I AM A FAILURE. MAKING MISTAKES ARE HUMAN. EVERYONE MAKES MISTAKES SOMETIMES.
I DONT NEED TO COMPARE MYSELF TO OTHERS. I AM ME.
I WILL HAVE GOOD DAYS AND BAD DAYS JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE.
I AM GRATEFUL FOR MY STRENGTHS
It's often helpful to set realistic expectations and recognize when perfectionism is leading to self doubt, catastrophic thinking and unrealistic fear of failure. Taking a fresh perspective and setting an intention to practice change in thinking is also very helpful.
If you would like to set up an appointment please call @201-952-9905 or 845-369-7627