Handling Frustration in your Kids
Lisa was playing on her phone. It was a fun game, she was scoring points and she had high scores. She wanted to keep going to the next level and the next…... But Mom said, Lisa please put away the phone and come for dinner to the table. Lisa did not hear. Mom said again “Lisa, please put away the phone, come for dinner to the table.’ Lisa did not hear. Mom said again ‘ LISA please put the phone away, and come for dinner’. Lisa heard her, but she did not want to put the phone away. She was winning. ‘Yes, I am coming’ she said and kept playing. Mom walked in close and held her hand out “Lisa please give me the phone’. Lisa looked up but she kept playing. “ I want to get to the next level, Mom’’. Mom said “please give me the phone” and extended her hand. Lisa got upset and she cried, she pouted, she mouthed, she ran up to her room. So what’s a Mom to do , what’s Lisa to do To Parents: Be Calm, Be consistent when you provide discipline, model appropriate behavior. If possible be aware of why you lose your temper and your consistent behavior. Here are some other suggestions Set a time limit before the child starts to play, (yes the first day it's going to end in melt down, but over time it gets better) Give a five minute warning and be consistent Walk up to the child and make eye contact before giving instruction Make sure the instruction is followed the first time Praise, be very specific about the behavior that you are praising. If you would like more information, or would like to make an appointment please contact Dr. Datta @201-952-9905 There are things we cannot control
Most of us feel the need to control events, circumstances in our lives and most of the time we can, sometimes we cannot and other times events overtake us. And yet our patterns of behaviors can suggest that we seek control. Try making a list of things that are not under your control. How long is the list? It is helpful to acknowledge that there are some things you cannot change. It is not a reflection of your will power, it is not a weakness in your character or it’s not your fault always. But also helpful to remember that there are some things that can be changed. So how do we about changing the things that can be changed. Here are some strategies that are effective: Become more mindful: Be more aware of your thoughts and how they influence behavior and emotions. Becoming more mindful will help you in recognizing the habitual patterns of responding and with awareness can come ability to change. Accept what can’t be changed: This can include other people’s attitudes, behaviors, your own feelings about people, circumstances etc. Acceptance does not mean giving up, it just means recognizing them as they are. Be more realistic: Maybe one day everything will come together, the job, the home, the organization, the health, finances etc. But for now have your priorities, if it's important to spend time with the kids, so be it, the spring cleaning of the garage may have to wait. Practice Self Compassion: The research by Dr Kristen Neff suggests that being self compassionate involves, self kindness, accepting our shared humanity and being Mindful. Stop the self criticism and create a better environment ‘within’. For more information or to make an appointment with Dr. Datta please call 201-952-9905 or 845-369-7627 For those of you who have questions about meditation, I found this article to be very helpful.
Its taken from the Tricycle magazine Blog. Insert the following link in your browser http://www.tricycle.com/blog/cool-boredom?utm_source=Tricycle&utm_campaign=978908a7e3-Daily_Dharma_September_10_20159_9_2015&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_1641abe55e-978908a7e3-307378217 Do you Procrastinate? Procrastination is a life time habit and it can be difficult to break it unless you set out to practice a new habit. Some High School and college students will often wait till the last day to hand in papers, sit down to study at the last minute or wait till the last hour to complete a project. The same habits continue to follow as they take up jobs. Sometimes this can be stressful and frustrating. I would like to suggest three steps to changing procrastination behavior. *Most often procrastination is a result of cognitive distortions or errors in thinking. Becoming aware of what these errors in thinking are is the first step to change. Some of the more common cognitive distortions are : 1. I have enough time to do it. Some people are not able to reconcile the amount of time needed to complete a paper, study for quiz or complete a project. They will always underestimate the time and of course will scramble when time is limited. 2. I do my best work under stress: In my years of teaching undergraduate psychology, I have come across this type of thinking very often. And yes, stress can be a motivator but leaving things to the last minute does not allow for revisions, for example. 3. It needs to be perfect. There is no such thing as perfection. Its an elusive goal and therefore searching for perfection is also elusive. ( check out the blog on Perfection) * Cultivating awareness and focusing on the task little bit at a time. Together with awareness cultivating a steady focus and attention is helpful in tackling small steps instead of feeling overwhelmed by the task. Making short goals and deadlines to complete tasks helpful to the brain and keeps stress at bay. Rewarding yourself for a completed task is also very helpful. * Learning/ enhancing/ organizational skills and time management skills is an effective tool against procrastination. Writing important dates on a calendar is a visual reminder to complete the work. But nothing beats the Old Nike commercial line ‘JUST DO IT’. If you need more help are are looking for a study/life coach please call our office to set up an appointment . The number to call is 201-952-9905 Here is a link to a great article.
https://hbr.org/2015/01/mindfulness-can-literally-change-your-brain?utm_source=2015-07+Newsletter&utm_campaign=Newsletter+-+2015-07&utm_medium=emailhttps://hbr.org/2015/01/mindfulness-can-literally-change-your-brain?utm_source=2015-07+Newsletter&utm_campaign=Newsletter+-+2015-07&utm_medium=email |
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